


I Think It's About Old Friends

by marmvg



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Christmas, this is a mess, twc secret santa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-03
Updated: 2017-01-03
Packaged: 2018-09-14 10:23:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9176830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marmvg/pseuds/marmvg
Summary: James and Lily, and seven years of Christmas.





	

**1971**

 

Not once since she met him has Lily found James Potter funny. Not when James convinced Emmeline Vance brooms are ridden bristle-side front, not when he jinxed his own friend Sirius’ feet to dance all through History of Magic, and certainly not any of the times Severus was caught at the wrong end of James’ buffoonery.

 

Lily has never even chuckled. Never even cracked a smile.

 

But when she steps into Charms the week before Christmas and candy canes are floating around the classroom, dangling themselves over light fixtures and fingers and long hooked noses, Lily can’t help the tug that pulls at the corners of her lips; nor can she stop the breathy laugh that escapes her when a candy cane loops itself behind the shell of her ear.

 

“Isn’t this wonderful?” Marlene asks, sidling up beside her

 

Lily’s eyes follow Frank Longbottom as he jogs between desks, a candy cane chasing after him. The shrieking laughter of her classmates cottons Lily’s ears. The sticky skin of crystallized sugar bumps against her hand.

 

“It’s...” Lily blinks at the sight of her classroom, dressed red and white around her. She can’t think of a word to describe the warm feeling this small bit of magic has filled her with.

 

“It was James,” Marlene tells her, nudging Lily with her elbow, “and Sirius and Remus and Peter. But it was James’ idea.”

 

And as though his name alone conjures him, Lily meets James’ eye across the room, through the throng of sugar he’s made dance in the air. He grins at her, lopsided, and only then does Lily remember to wipe the smile off her face. She replaces it with a scowl that she knows does not meet her eyes. Her small act of defiance is only cause for him to grin wider.

 

“It’s a nuisance,” Lily mumbles, pointedly averting her gaze from James. She pushes the candy bouncing in front of her out of her way before marching to her desk. “How are we supposed to get anything done with these things flying around?”

 

Marlene groans behind Lily, then snatches a candy cane from thin air and points it at her. “You need to stop being such a Snooge, Lily.”

 

“Do you mean Scrooge?”

 

“I _mean_ you need to lighten up.” Marlene sticks the cane in her mouth and continues to speak around it. “You don’t have to hate good things just because James Potter made them happen.”

 

Lily responds by flicking a candy cane from her desk to the floor.

 

Marlene rolls her eyes, groans again, then slinks away.

 

Lily tries her hardest to ignore the candy cane debacle all throughout class, but it can’t be avoided when they’re dismissed and something taps her shoulder. Turning around, Lily comes face to face with James, who is looking at her from over his glasses, smirking, holding out a candy cane.

 

“Forget to take one, Evans?” he asks.

 

Vision trained on his offering, unimpressed, Lily shakes her head. “Nah, I didn’t.”

 

She almost laughs again when she walks away and hears James yell “you’re a real Snooge, Evans!” after her.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**1972**

 

It’s always been obvious to James that Remus is a werewolf.

 

He eats his meat dripping blood, becomes sickly one week each month, disappears during every full moon, and, while he isn’t a terrible liar, he can only make up so many stories to cover his tracks before the excuses become outrageous.

 

“Tell me again why you won’t be around next week?” James asks, careful to keep his voice low in the empty corridor.

 

Remus tugs James’ invisibility cloak more snugly around his shivering form. “We’re celebrating Christmas a week early,” he says.

 

“And why’s that?”

 

“Family tradition.”

 

James huffs. “What kind of tradition is that?”

 

“I just told you,” Remus says. “A family one.”

 

James snorts, disturbing the piece of cloak falling across his face. It bothers him that Remus doesn’t trust him with his secret, but James doesn’t push the subject. If Remus chooses to tell him and the others, he’ll do it on his own time. Until then though, all James can do is enjoy his friends awful fibs and sneak him to the kitchens for chocolate when he can.

 

And sneaking to the kitchens is exactly what they’re doing.

 

As they lurk along the halls, the topic of conversation changes to quidditch, then pranks, then how much oil they could wring from Snape’s hair; then, before they know it, they’ve tickled the pear and stepped into the kitchens.

Their conversation comes to an abrupt halt, however, when they snuck inside and see Lily Evans sharing a plate of gingerbread cookies with a house elf. At the creak of the door, she spins around from where she sits atop a bar stool. Her eyes narrow when she sees no one there.

 

“Hello?” she calls. Her sight is set dead upon James, and he swears the intensity of it will burn a hole straight through his cloak.

 

“Dinky thinks it just be a ghost, miss,” says the house elf. “The ghosts always opening Dinky’s door.”

 

Slowly, James closes the door behind them. Remus chuckles at the suspicious expression Lily wears as she watches it seemingly shut on its own.

 

“I think there are some things about this world I’ll never get used to,” she admits to Dinky, eventually turning back to the elf with a frustrated sigh.

 

“Dinky thinks Miss Lily is just fine. Dinky thinks Miss Lily is the best witch she knows.”

 

At that, Lily laughs, and James wonders how he could have spent almost two years around her, never having heard it before. The sound of it vibrates in his chest, tickling his heart, igniting sparks of confusion in his twelve year old boy brain.

 

“I didn’t know Evans knew how to laugh,” James whispers to Remus.

 

Remus shakes his head, fixing James with tired eyes. “She’s the smartest witch in our year,” Remus reminds him. “She knows how to do a lot of things.”

 

Frowning, James elbows Remus in the side, urging him to skirt the edges of the room. They proceed to raid the kitchens as discreetly as possible, searching for chocolate that evades them. All the while, James keeps an ear open to Lily’s conversation with Dinky the House Elf, listening to her speak in a way he never has before.

 

Lily has only ever spoken to James with agitation and biting words, but he still knows she’s a good person, in a vague sort of way. She looks after Remus when he’s not feeling well and patiently tutors Peter who can be thick as a rock when he wants to be; apparently she spends her nights sharing gingerbread cookies with house elves too, which is thoughtful if not a little lame. And she only has nice things to say about Marlene McKinnon who’s a real crab to most people, and Mary MacDonald who is so sugary sweet it makes everyone hurl; she even has nice words for her sister Petunia, who once sent Lily droppings in the post that she claimed her owl left on their doorstep back home.

 

It’s a side of Lily James never had the chance to see; a side of herself she refused to show to him.

 

He wonders how Remus seems so unperturbed.

 

“Maybe because my attention is focused on not knocking every pot and pan in the room over,” Remus mumbles.

 

James huffs in response. He’s only knocked over two pans when Lily’s stories distracted him. Five pots _tops_. He’s not going to apologize when _she_ is really the one bungling up this mission.

 

Especially when James stubs his toe and curses, and Lily has the indecency to blow their cover.

 

“My friend Remus is lovely too,” she tells Dinky out of the blue. “I wish he were here to try these gingerbread cookies.” At that, she looks away from Dinky and directly at James and Remus, still hidden by the invisibility cloak. “But he’s more of a chocolate person, anyway. He would really love the chocolate _that’s stored in the dessert freezer.”_

 

James and Remus turn to each other, defeated. Beaten, they inch their way to the chocolate in the freezer while Lily continues on rambling to Dinky. They don’t even bother with subtly as they open the freezer, snatch the chocolates, head back to the ticklish peach, and steal a gingerbread cookie on the way out.

 

The next morning, James approaches Lily at breakfast, only the slightest bit embarrassed. “Those gingerbread cookies were good, Evans. If you can’t think of anything else to get me for Christmas, more of those will do.”

 

Lily doesn’t spare him a glance when she says “the only Christmas present you’ll be getting from me is some advice: check to see who’s in a room before you enter it. You may just barge in discussing how to collect oil from someone’s hair in front of their best friend.”

 

James feels the pull of a grimace setting on his face but he catches himself, pushing any guilt he may have aside. Instead of apologizing like he knows he should, James changes the subject to something more pressing than Snape’s personal hygiene. “Aren’t you going to ask how you couldn’t see us?”

 

“No.”

 

“You’re not the tiniest bit curious?”

 

“I am.”

 

“But you don’t want to know?”

 

“Potter,” Lily starts, setting down her toast. “You’re either going to tell me or you’re not. Since we aren’t exactly _friends_ , I’m going to assume you won’t. So, this back-and-forth between us? It’s pointless-”

 

“I have an invisibility cloak.” Before he can consider it, James blurts the secret out, low and hushed, a confession. Watching Lily’s eyes go wide, he wants nothing more than to slap himself for being such an idiot. Why would he tell someone about his cloak? Why would he tell _Lily Evans_ about his cloak?

 

Maybe because he wants her to talk about him to Dinky. Maybe he wants Lily to tell house elves he’d risk a month’s detention for being out after hours and the confiscation of a rare treasure just to get his friend sweets. Because James wants her to experience the same thing he did last night, when he learned her laugh and saw her heart for the very first time in the kitchens. He wants Lily to know who he really is, too.

 

“Why did you tell me that?” she asks him.

 

James lifts one shoulder, glancing around to make sure no one else heard him. “Because I want you to know, I guess.” He continues scanning the Great Hall. He can’t meet her eyes. He feels hot and raw, as though he’s stuck beneath a spotlight.

 

“I’ll talk to you later, Evans, yeah? The cookies really were good.”

 

He doesn’t risk looking at her when he speeds away.

 

Not until that afternoon when she sets a gingerbread cookie on top of his coursework in the common room. “Merry Christmas?” She says it like a question.

 

James nods. He smiles, small and sure. “Merry Christmas.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

**1973**

 

A suitable punishment for James and Lily’s disruptive bickering would be to separate them, Lily thinks. Put James in one corner of the Potions classroom and stick Lily in the exact opposite; remove them from one another’s lines of vision; make it as difficult as possible for James to jinx Severus or for Lily to fume at James so violently that his cauldron bubbles over onto his lap.

 

Professor Slughorn had other, less practical ideas.

 

Which is why Lily found herself partnered up with James for the foreseeable future, until they learn how to get along.

 

It’s tremendously stupid, both Lily and James agree. Not only do they have more ample opportunity to be at each others’ throats, but now they’re more of a distraction to their classmates than ever. James doesn’t mind the latter since his engine is fueled by attention, but Lily has always loathed being a nuisance, which James has undoubtedly made her.

 

Lily must admit, though: they’re a tremendous team. Between the snappy remarks and petty pranks since they began working together, they’ve managed to develop a partnership that is unparalleled to any of the others in class. With Lily’s uncanny knack for brewing potions and James’ willingness to get down and dirty, the last three potions they’ve brewed together have been near perfect. If they hadn’t already had high marks, Lily is sure hers and James’ grades would be soaring higher than ever.

 

It’s not something Severus if fond to discuss, especially when they’re assigned to brew Christmas Spirit for the holidays... and one of the main ingredients is mistletoe.

 

“You know Potter is going to pull something... _funny_ ,” Severus warns her. It takes everything in Lily not to roll her eyes.

 

“Potter is an arse, but I doubt he’d go so far as to corner me under mistletoe,” she assures him.

 

“You’re right, he and his dumb little cronies never go far,” Severus seethes. “Not when they charmed your hair green for two months or when they left dungbombs in my shoes or when they _literally_ tied your friend Marlene’s tongue into a knot.” Lily _does_ roll her eyes at Severus’ last point. He thought what happened to Marlene was just and funny until he realized who’d done it to her. “But no,” Severus continues, “Potter wouldn’t go so far as to catch you under mistletoe.”

 

“Oh, for Merlin’s _sake_ ,” Lily groans. “I’m not saying he’s an angel, Sev. I’m not trying to _defend_ James Potter. All I’m saying is I highly doubt he’ll try to kiss me under some mistletoe just because it’s at hand and just because he thinks it would be funny.”

 

“He _likes_ you, Lily.”

 

The wings of her heart flutter against her ribs. Lily ignores the feeling like she does every time Severus brings up James Potter’s supposed crush on her.

 

“I know you think that,” Lily says, “and you know I think you’re wrong. But if you’re right and Potter does like me, why would he do something that he knows would only upset me?”

 

“Because he’s dense as a stratus cloud?” Severus suggest. “Because he has no respect for anyone, including you?”

 

James can be foolish and he is undoubtedly a bully to some, but in the three years she’s known him, Lily has found that neither of Severus’ statements are necessarily true. James is smart when he chooses not to be dumb and his heart is big and open to everyone, even Lily, unless you’re a Slytherin. She understands wholeheartedly why Severus can’t stand him, but she refuses to entertain untruths because her best friend refuses to acknowledge every facet of a person’s personality.

 

“I’m not having this conversation,” Lily says. But she can’t help but reconsider her stance when she enters Potions and sees Sirius and Peter hanging mistletoe over Severus’ and Slughorn’s desks.

 

If they would pull pranks with mistletoe, wouldn’t James do it too?

 

But for the remainder of their project, everything is business as usual. The only thing James does with their mistletoe is grind it into pretty flakes and sprinkle four cups into their brew, pestering Lily while she stirs it clockwise 25 times.

 

They’re the first pair to finish, and when Slughorn announces their Christmas Spirit is flawless, he allows them to take a spoonful each as reward. The classroom feels cozy and warm then, everyone surrounded by a warm, cheery glow; the scent of cinnamon and holly hangs heavy in the air; Lily is excited for the holidays at once, and thankful for her friends, and her family, for Slughorn, and for her potions partner.

 

Lily and James peer at each other from the corners of their eyes. They smile. And for the rest of the lesson they have a pleasant discussion about the intricacies of fruit cake.

 

However, it all goes South when, from behind them, they hear an obnoxious cough and the snickering of their classmates. They turn in their seats. Standing there is Sirius, hanging mistletoe over their heads, sporting a devious grin spread ear to ear. “Well go on,” he tells them. “Show us what a real Christmas miracle looks like.”

 

Lily’s jaw falls halfway to the floor. She looks to James to gauge his reaction, only to see he’s already staring back at her, forcing down his laughter. “What do you say, Evans?”

It turns out the quickest way to defuse Christmas Spirit is to find someone to fill you with disgust and disappointment. The Potions classroom is dingy and cold again; her laughing classmates don’t flush her vision with affection but dampen her mood entirely; James Potter isn’t the best potions partner she’s ever had and a surprisingly decent conversationalist but the same old ugly bully he’s always been.

 

Severus was right all along.

 

“What do I say?” Lily fumes. Her voice is low so only he and Sirius can hear her. The heat of fury steaming from her is so strong that the mistletoe hanging over them sizzles and burns. Flakes of ash fall like snow onto both Lily’s and James’ heads. “I say I can’t believe I thought you were decent enough not to embarrass me like this and make me feel uncomfortable in front of half our year. I thought you were better than to have your best friend set us up like this, just so you can say you got Lily Evans to kiss you. I say Severus was right – you _are_ an indecent human being.”

 

“Evans, wait a second,” Sirius interrupts. Lily barely listens to him. She’s fighting down the guilt rising from her stomach like bile at the wounded look on James’ face. She shouldn’t care if she hurt his feelings. He hurt her too. “James had nothing to do with this,” Sirius tells her. “I just thought it would be-”

 

“Funny?” Lily guesses. She turns her attention to Sirius, who looks annoyed at this turn of events but also just the smallest bit embarrassed. “Am I laughing, Black? Is James? Are you? Is anyone in this room laughing?”

 

The room has, in fact, fallen into an uncomfortable silence. Lily is sure her classmates are straining to hear whatever it is she is whispering. She refuses to give the Marauders the satisfaction of an outburst.

 

“I mean, they _were_ -”

 

“Mate,” James groans.

 

“It doesn’t matter,” Lily tells Sirius. “I don’t believe you anyway.” She stuffs hers things into her pack, ignoring James’ quiet pleas for her to look at him. Sirius continues to stand awkwardly behind them, only speaking to tell the kids around them to sod off and stop eavesdropping. “The only person at fault here is me for letting my guard down and trusting you.”

 

She leaves the classroom then, ignoring Slughorn’s inquiries as to where she’s going and the whispers as she storms away. She ignores Severus too, who doesn’t look pleased but doesn’t look too angry either. He told her so, after all.

 

Lily doesn’t see James again until they return to Hogwarts after Christmas break. Luckily, Slughorn has smartened up in the meantime.

 

James and Lily are seated at opposite ends of the room.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**1974**

 

This last full moon has been particularly rough. Something to do with its size and the alignment of stars and mercury being in retrograde, which sounds like a load of unicorn shit until it isn’t. The strained political climate doesn’t help; neither does the stress of Christmas.

 

It’s all culminated in Remus tearing himself to sheds, slashes marring his already scarred face, tendons cut, bumps and bruises disguising the Remus James knows.

 

This time around, his pain is so severe that Madame Pomfrey gave him a sleeping drought to keep him under for days. He’s been in such a deep sleep, he didn’t even wake when the rest of the Marauders accosted Pomfrey and demanded to know why she couldn’t magic him back to health the way she usually does with everyone else and they had to be escorted out when her answers weren’t to their satisfaction.

 

But really. How can the woman set broken bones with a flick of her wand and not be able to vanish the scratches of a wolf? It’s illogical.

 

And the older Remus gets and the more the world changes around them, the worse his full moons are becoming. It’s devastating to witness. It’s frustrating not to be able to help; even more so when James thinks about how long it’s taking him and the others to become animagi. It’s been two years, and the most they’ve managed to do is give themselves snouts.

 

He doesn’t think that makes them terrible friends, but. They should probably be trying harder.

 

James has set up camp at Remus’ bedside for the evening, ignoring Pomfrey whenever she’s warned him about the time.  


_Visiting time ends in three hours, Potter. In two hours, Potter. In an hour and 43 minutes and 12 seconds, Potter._

 

He would supply her with a healthy dose of attitude if he were paying attention to her nagging at all. As it is, James is focused on his friend, beaten and bloody by his own hand, unconscious on a lumpy mattress.

 

He doesn’t even register when the doors to the hospital wing creak open and Lily Evans tiptoes inside.

 

“Visiting time ends in an hour, Ms. Evans,” Pomfrey informs her.

 

“I’ve just come to wish Remus a Happy Christmas,” Lily assures her. “I won’t be long.”

 

“You and every other rebel rouser who has caused a scene in here today,” grumbles Pomfrey, marching angrily back to her office.

 

James only spares Lily a glance when she sits beside him, returning his attention back to Remus just as quickly.

 

“How is he?” she asks.

 

James shrugs. “Well he won’t be skipping through daisies anytime soon but,” he smooths a hand down his tired face, “he’ll live.”

They sit in silence for a moment, James taking stock of every one of Remus’ injuries for the thousandth time and Lily examining his wounds for the first time, in horror. James can practically hear her heart breaking beside him.

 

“What happened?” she asks.

 

One thing Lily is not is an idiot. James is positive she knows Remus’ secret, even if Remus hasn’t told her himself. It took him almost two years to tell the Marauders after all, and while Lily is a good friend of his, she’s not nearly as close to him as they are. But she’s smart. She’s observant. And she cares with her whole damn heart.

 

James knows she knows. So he simply looks at her, steady, and doesn’t say a word. An understanding passes between them. Neither of them will admit the extent of their knowledge concerning Remus and his ailments but they will sit there, together, and put their differences aside to help him anyway.

 

“Thanks for stopping by,” James says instead.

 

Lily almost look offended. “Of course,” she says. “Remus is my friend.”

 

James nods. “I know.”

 

Awkwardly, she fishes something from her satchel, then sets it on the table at Remus’ feet. “I brought him chocolates, for when he wakes up,” she says “whenever that will be.”

 

“Pomfrey says not for another few days,” James tells her. “He’ll miss the Express back home. Probably sleep through Christmas.”

 

Heavyhearted, Lily exhales deeply, eyes closed. “He’ll be here all alone.”

 

“ _No_ ,” declares James, aghast at her assumption. “No, he won’t be. I’m staying here over break. And so is Sirius. Peter, too. We canceled our trips home.”

 

James can feel Lily staring hard at the side of his head. His heart stutters in his chest. He refuses to meet her eyes. It’s no secret that James and Lily aren’t friends. Anyone could tell you that. But no one can tell you about the moments, like this one, when they take off their armor and reveal their hearts on their sleeves, only to each other. When he proves he’s not always the dick he acts like, and she studies him with shining eyes, parted lips, awe. When she shows him compassion, radiating from her so brightly, it hurts his eyes to look. That is the thing no one knows – the way they melt around each other, for each other, until their truest selves are on display.

 

“Right,” Lily says, blinking hard and looking away. “Of course. Sorry.”

 

“Don’t be sorry, Evans. It’s easy to forget what a great guy I am.”

 

She snorts, and they glance at each other, sharing a smile.

 

“You’re a good friend, James.”

 

He frowns, but nods. He could be better. “You are too, Lily.”

 

They sit there, at Remus’ side, discussing nothing and everything all at once, until Pomfrey gives them a ten minute warning. James ignores her like he has the rest of the night, and he hopes Lily will do the same. She doesn’t though, and she stands to leave, but not before placing a soft kiss on James’ cheek.

 

The skin her lips touched tingles and stings. He can hardly believe she’s real.

 

“Happy Christmas, Potter.” Her voice is a quiet hush, a lullaby. “You’ll figure out how to make this better. I know you will. Because you love him.”

 

James can feel tears sting his eyes. His throat shuts so tight he can’t even answer her. All he can do is smile, grateful, and watch her walk out the door.

 

 

* * *

 

 

**1975**

 

 

Lily doesn’t have much Christmas shopping to do. She bought a kettle that whistles actual tunes when it comes to a boil for her parents, a simple blouse for Petunia, and small trinkets for her friends. The only people she really has to get something for is Severus and Benjy Fenwick.

 

Severus is easy enough. He always gives her something sentimental but prefers receiving practical gifts himself. Since he’s burned a hole through the bottom of his cauldron, she figures she’ll buy him a new one. Benjy, on the other hand, is more difficult to find something for.

 

Lily has been seeing him for two months. He’s incredibly sweet, and caring, and kind. Everyday he walks her to her classes, sits with her during meals, kisses her goodnight. He makes her smile. Lily is incredibly fond of him and his company.

 

It doesn’t matter that he never gives her butterflies; Lily doesn’t think you should feel nervous about liking someone, anyway. It also doesn’t matter that she’s never particularly eager to see him, or overly comfortable around him either. All of that comes with time, doesn’t it? She’s sure she’ll get there with Benjy _eventually_.

 

For now though, she’s only focusing on getting him something for Christmas and remembering to meet him for an early dinner later in the afternoon. Until then, she’ll mosey around Hogsmeade with Marlene, Dorcas, and Mary, and perhaps even sacrifice some time to the Marauders if her friends see fit.

 

Which, Lily assumes, they will. Marlene and Dorcas have had their eyes set on Sirius and Remus, respectively, so Lily has found herself in their company more often than not as of late. Lily wishes she could say it’s been torture spending time with the Marauders but it’s actually...not.

 

They really are genuinely fun to be around; Sirius with his outrageous schemes, Remus with his quiet wit, and James with his all-around wonderful sense of humor. Even Peter can crack a joke now and then. Lily has never denied that those elements of their personality were there – they’re the most blatant traits the Marauders possess – but she’s never allowed herself to indulge in them either. Now that she _has_...well, she’s never laughed as much in her entire life as she has this semester with them.

 

Much to Severus’ chagrin.

And, sometimes, much to Benjy’s too.

 

Lily supposes that’s only natural. Severus is an old friend, but a possessive one, and he often becomes jealous when Lily spends time with other people. The fact that she spends more time with the Marauders than him now surely hasn’t gone unnoticed.

 

Benjy’s jealousy is more specific. While Severus is resentful towards every person Lily hangs out with that is not him, Benjy has his sights set specifically on James Potter. Lily can’t say she blames him. She and James have always had the most palpable tension, and now that they get along, the nature of their relationship has become gossip fodder for the entire castle. It doesn’t help that James teasingly asks her out every chance he gets despite the fact that he _knows_ she’s with someone else.

 

Though, to be fair, he’s been asking her out longer than Lily’s been seeing Benjy.

It’s not like James is serious, anyway.

 

“Of course he’s serious,” Dorcas insists. She and Lily along with Marlene and Mary are strolling around Hogsmeade’s town square, enjoying the crisp air and crunchy snow beneath their feet. “He wouldn’t keep asking if he weren’t.”

 

“He’s a _jokester_ ,” Lily reminds her. “He’s only _joking_.”

 

“Sometimes I wonder if he’s not,” Mary chimes in. “Like the other night, when we were in the boys dorm drinking firewhiskey-” Lily whines at the memory “-and he was staring at you with _such_ adoration. Merlin, I’m getting gooseflesh just thinking about it! And he just whispered, so sweetly, _‘go out with me, Evans._ ’” Mary clutches her chest dramatically. “If only a boy looked at me the way he looks at you.”

 

Lily purses her lips. “He was drunk, Mary. Peter also accused Marlene of plotting murder against his toad that night.”

 

Marlene shrugs. “He wasn’t wrong.”

 

“My point is you’re all making something out of nothing,” Lily concludes. “Just because we laugh with each other instead of fighting now doesn’t mean he’s in love with me.”

 

“Au contraire, Evans.” The sound of James’ voice rings from behind her, and the girls spin around to watch the Marauders saunter up to them. “You’re my sun and my moon and my stars, and I adore you.”

 

“Almost as much as he adores me,” adds Sirius.

 

“Almost as much as Sirius adores detention,” Peter says.

 

Remus snorts, patting Peter on the back. “Nothing can compare to the romance between Sirius and detention, Wormtail.”

 

“You have me beat there, Paddy.” James stops right in front of Lily, toes of their boots nearly touching. He grins down at her, wide as the sky, and Lily can’t help the smile she gives him back. “Where are you ladies off to this fine afternoon?” he asks, eyes never leaving Lily’s.

 

Marlene, who has looped her arm through Sirius’, is already trying desperately to drag him away from the group. “I want to show Sirius that new Nimbus I was telling you all about,” she says.

 

Lily can’t recall Marlene ever mentioning anything about a new Nimbus to her, but she bites her tongue and plays along. “Mhm...”

 

“New Nimbus? I would have heard about a new Nimbus,” Sirius grumbles. “Did you hear anything about a new Nimbus, Prongs?”

 

“There is no new Nimbus, Padfoot.”

 

“James Potter says there is no new Nimbus, Marlene.”

 

“James Potter isn’t half as educated about brooms as I am,” Marlene says. She tugs on Sirius’ arm some more.

 

James guffaws. “Absolutely blasphemous.”

 

“I don’t know,” says Lily, “Marlene has never been wrong about a broom as long as I’ve known her.”

 

“Well!” Sirius exclaims. “If Evans says so...” He blows a kiss to James, “sorry, Prongs,” and allows Marlene to whisk him away. “Come along, Moony!” Sirius calls behind him.

 

With a shrug, Remus jogs after them, Dorcas and Peter trailing in his wake. It’s just James, Lily, and Mary then, until Mary jabs her thumb in some vague direction.

 

“I’ve got shopping to do for that person,” she announces, sly grin plastered across her face. “I’ll see you two later?”

 

Mary doesn’t wait for their response. She scurries away faster than a mouse after cheese, leaving James and Lily by their lonesome.

 

“You think she wanted to get us by ourselves?” James asks, rolling onto the balls of his feet.

 

“You noticed that as well?”

 

They snort in unison, then continue to walk around town, no destination in mind.

 

“So what shall we do while our friends look for this Nimbus that definitely does not exist?” asks James.

 

“Well, I have to buy Severus a cauldron-”

 

“Ooh, another expensive gift for Snivellus that the slimy bastard doesn’t deserve-”

 

“Shut up, Potter,” Lily scolds him, almost as an afterthought. “I have to buy a gift for Benjy, too.”

 

At this, James remains silent, simply bobbing his head in thought.

 

“I have no idea what to get him,” says Lily, filling in the silence.

 

“What does he like?”

 

“I don’t know?” Lily glances at James, grimacing when she considers how little she actually knows about her boyfriend. “I’m a terrible girlfriend.”

 

“It would seem that way,” agrees James, and he nudges her playfully when she scoffs. “You’re not a bad girlfriend, Evans,” he assures her. “Fenwick is just a dud. Nice bloke and all, but a dud. He probably couldn’t tell you what he likes if you slipped him a truth serum.”

 

“Don’t be mean,” Lily chastises, though she’s afraid James just may be right.

 

“Is it mean if it’s the truth?”

 

“Potter.”

 

“Sorry.”

 

They stop in front of The Three Broomsticks, James holding the door open for Lily to step inside.

 

“Buy him some liquor,” James suggest, pulling out a seat for her in the middle of the room. “What he really needs is to loosen up a bit.”

 

“He’s not _uptight_.”

 

“Just a bore. You’re right, Evans, there’s a difference.”

 

“You really don’t know how to be nice, do you?”

 

“Yes, I do! Did I not call you my sun and my moon and my stars before? Was that not nice?”

 

A group of students a year below them pass by the table as James says this, sharing wide eyes and whispering scandalously to one another.

 

Lily groans, rubbing at her temples. “The whole castle is going to be talking about our torrid love affair by sundown now. You know that, right?”

 

“Then Fenwick will break up with you and you won’t have to worry about what to get him for Christmas.”

 

“Thank you for your positive outlook, Potter.”

 

“That’s what I’m here for, Evans. Butterbeer?”

 

They order their drinks, and they talk, and they have a wonderfully pleasant time in each other’s company.

 

And, just as Lily predicted, by sundown everyone is talking about how she is cheating on Benjy Fenwick with James Potter. The icing on the cake is when Lily loses track of time and completely forgets about dinner with Benjy. So she’s truly not surprised when he storms into The Three Broomsticks, catches sight of James and Lily in a fit of uproarious laughter, and stomps right up to their table.

 

“Lily?” Smoke is quite literally billowing from Benjy’s ears. The sight sends James and Lily into another bought of laughter. “What is this?” Benjy seethes.

 

“I’m sorry I’m late, Benjy,” Lily apologizes. “I was just listening to a story James was telling me about-”

 

“Why are you with him to begin with?” Benjy snaps. His eyes flick between the pair of them, sitting across from each other, onto their third butterbeers of the night.

 

“We were just hanging out, Benjy,” explains Lily. “We’re...” Despite how splendidly they’ve been getting along, Lily is still hesitant to call her and James friends.

 

“You’re what?” demands Benjy

 

Lily glances to James, looking for a possible answer to Benjy’s question. James only shrugs, casually pushing his glasses up his nose. “Dunno,” he supplies.

 

Lily turns back to Benjy, shrugging the same way James had. “I don’t know.”

 

Benjy shuffles from foot to foot, gnashing his jaw and glancing around the room to see who is watching them.

 

Everyone is.

 

Lowering his voice and leaning into her space, Benjy hisses. “You’re telling me you don’t know the nature of your relationship with James Potter?”

 

Lily considers his question thoughtfully before giving him an honest answer. “Yes.”

 

Leaning away from them, Benjy casts his eyes between James and Lily once more before taking a slow, deep breath. “Alright, Lily,” he concedes, eyes cast down at his feet, rage barely under wraps. “I see how it is.”

 

“Benjy!” Lily cries, reaching out a hand. “Oh, _please_. It’s not like _that!_ ”

 

But the damage is already done. Benjy is flying out the door, humiliated, and Lily is left with her head in her hands, equally embarrassed.

 

“Like I said before,” James offers, bumping her shin with his foot beneath the table. “One less gift to buy.”

 

“Shut up, Potter.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

**1976**

 

James is in love with Lily. He’s not sure how long his heart has been hers, but he thinks it has been since sometime in Second Year, after the kitchens. She’s always been a part of him, the same as his friends, and his glasses, and the organs in his body. James wouldn’t be James without her.

 

It’s as simple as that.

 

It’s just a shame he didn’t realize it until after he made a fool of himself by the Great Lake.

 

It kills James to think of all the time he wasted fighting with Lily, teasing her, thinking all they could be was adversaries who sometimes got along. He could have been her friend, or more, or at the very least _there_ for her when she could have used him the most.

 

It takes a summer of groveling and three months of being nothing but the most wonderful friend he could possibly be for them to even get to where they are now: sitting in their handmade igloo, a jar filled with fire between them, passing a mug of hot cocoa back and forth.

 

It’s strange to think only last September they truly became friends, when he held her shaking frame in his arms as she cried over Snape, and her sister, and her sick father, and the terrible names thrown her way like confetti; when James mouthed his apologies into her hair, rocking her back and forth, drying his own tears in her waves; when they fell asleep wrapped up in one another in the common room, waking up grateful that they’d finally made their way to each other.

 

So James thinks it’s safe to say he’d do anything for Lily, and she would do anything for him. Sometimes the things she needs from him are just so incredibly torturous that he fancies himself an idiot for ever falling in love with her.

 

“You need me to be _what_?” James balks, shoving the cocoa her way.

 

“My date to Slughorn’s Christmas party,” Lily repeats. “The only other person I know who’s going is Severus, and I _know_ it’s only so he can corner me again.

 

“ _Lily_ ,” James groans. He conks his head against the wall of their igloo. His eyes are squeezed shut as though he’s in physical pain. “Slughorn’s Christmas party? Really?”

 

“I mean, I can ask Remus if you don’t want to,” Lily grants him, “Or even Sirius or one of the girls. You’re just – well I would rather take you, is all. But I understand if-”

 

“Lily, you already know I’m going.” James laughs when he catches her pouting. “It’s just... _Slughorn_.”

 

“I know.”

 

“And _Christmas_.”

 

“I know.”

 

“And _Snape_.”

 

“Yeah,” Lily sighs, “I know.”

 

“Right. Well.” James claps his hands in front of him, rubbing them together mischievously. “When is it?”

 

The party is the weekend before Christmas and their last week before winter break. Lily wears a flowing navy dress that sets James’ blood running and a smile that makes his heart sing when she sees him. She holds his hand when they enter the party, and only introduces him to a handful of people. When Slughorn targets them for small talk and gloating, Lily allows him to step away for a while, and when Snape tries to capture Lily on her own, James swoops in and guides her onto the dance floor.

 

They make a dashing, unsocial, avoidant team.

Just like they always had.

 

“Thank you for coming with me tonight,” says Lily. James has one hand on her waist and the other wrapped around her smaller, softer one; her smooth cheek is pressed against his stubbly one; her breath tickles the skin of his ear. If anyone should be thanking anyone, James should be thanking all the Gods he can name, and Lily Evans for being in his arms. “I don’t know what I would have done without you,” she admits.

 

James tsks, guiding her across the floor. “Taken Remus or Sirius, like you said you would. Or Marlene or Mary or Dorcas. Or Peter if you were _really_ desperate.”

 

“Not nice,” says Lily, and he apologizes.

 

“My point is, you had options,” James reminds her.

 

“Okay,” she allows, “but Sirius would have set Severus on fire if he came near me. Remus would have felt obligated to talk to Slughorn and driven himself mad with boredom. Peter would have scurried away hours ago-”

 

“Not nice,” says James, and Lily apologizes.

 

“ _My_ point is, no one else could have saved the day like you did.”

 

James presses a smile into her cheek. “The nights not over yet, you know.”

 

She hums, untangling her hand from his and wrapping her arms around his neck. He follows her lead, heart swelling and soaring, and wraps his arms around her waist.

 

“We can leave whenever you like,” she tells him.

 

James only holds her closer, feeling her heart beat in time with his own. “No,” he breathes, his voice barely a whisper. “Not yet.”

 

 

* * *

 

 

**1977**

 

“Are you scared?”

 

“No.” James is practically bouncing out of his skin, nervous energy setting his entire body on edge. “Are you?”

 

“No.” Lily is nibbling at her cuticles, beads of blood pooling around her nails.

 

“You’re a terrible liar,” James tells her, and Lily drops her hand, smiling at him as if he’s the greatest thing she’s ever set her eyes on. And he is, she realizes. He really, truly is. “So are you.”

 

James grins back at her so wide that Lily is afraid his face is going to split in half. “We’re cowards and terrible liars together, then.”  


“I suppose we are.”

 

They break into a fit of anxious laughter, not stopping even when James pulls Lily’s face to his chest. “Why are you scared?” he asks her, resting his chin atop her head. “Are you having second thoughts?”

 

“No,” say Lily immediately, shaking her head into his sweater. She tilts her face up to look at him. “I’m just nervous they’ll say we’re rushing into things. Give us problems. You know our friends don’t keep their opinions to themselves.”

 

James presses a firm kiss to her forehead. “Sod ‘em if they think we’re wrong,” he mumbles into her skin. “But I don’t think they will. They’ve wanted this longer than we have.”

 

“And how long have we wanted this again?” Lily asks.

 

“Second year for me. Fourth year for you. You were a little slow to catch up to the rest of us.”

 

“Guess that’s why I never made the quidditch team.”

 

“That, and your lousy arm.”

 

Lily nips at his collarbone, causing James to squeeze her body to his tighter.

 

“Why are you scared?” Lily asks. Her arms are wrapped around his waist, ear pressed right against his slow, happy heart.

 

“Because saying it out loud makes it real...and I never thought it would be,” James confesses.

 

Lily shuts her eyes, breathing the smell of him in deeply. “No second thoughts?” she checks.

 

James snorts, as if the answer is obvious. Lily supposed it always has been. “Absolutely fucking not.”

 

“Right.” Stepping away from his warmth, Lily laces her fingers through James’, then turns them towards the Fat Lady. “So are we ready?”

 

“As we’ll ever be.”

 

The Fat Lady rolls her eyes. “Just get a move on, will you? I can’t wait here all day.”

 

Frowning, James tells her the password, then opens the door with a little more force than necessary.

 

In the common room, their friends sit around the fire, chatting amongst themselves, enjoying the last of one another before they all go their separate ways for the holidays. Sirius is the first to spot Lily and James, and he throws his arms in the air and cheers when they squeeze their way into the group.

 

“Long time no see, lovebirds,” says Dorcas, smiling adoringly at the sight of them. “Ready for the holiday?”

 

“Hardly,” Lily tells her. She shares a frightened, secret smile with James, who kisses the back of her hand, still entwined with his.

 

The exchange does not go missed by their friends, who glance at each other suspiciously, then knowingly, then with big stupid grins.

 

“Why?” asks Peter, the only one still oblivious.

 

It’s Marlene who grabs Lily’s left hand, gawking at the simple band slipped over her ring finger. “Get _out!_ ” she yells, jumping to her feet. “Really? _Really_ , really?”

 

Surprised by her friend’s reaction, Lily blinks, then smiles, then nods her head emphatically.

 

Marlene shrieks, followed by Mary, silenced when they’re pushed to the side as all the others gather around Lily to admire the engagement ring on her finger.

 

Peter continues to stare at them all with a furrowed brow. “ _What_?” he asks.

 

“Lily and I are getting married, Wormtail,” James explains to him, minutely.

 

Understanding creeps upon Peter. “Oh!” A slow smile spreads across his face. “Oh, congratulations! What a happy Christmas this makes.”

 

James ruffles his wispy blonde hair. “Thanks, mate.”

 

“You don’t think it’s too soon?” Lily asks the group. Her eyes, however, are trained mostly on Sirius and Remus. “We’ve only been dating four months.”

 

“Too soon?” repeats Sirius. “You and James have been _seven years_ in the making, Evans. I don’t know what about that reads as too bloody soon to you.”

 

“I guess that answers the question,” she deadpans.

 

James nudges her in the side with his elbow.

 

“I have to agree with Padfoot, unfortunately,” says Remus. “This has been a long time coming. The two of you together, now more than ever...it just makes sense.”

 

The smile Lily spares him is small, but whole and nothing but grateful. “That’s how we feel too.”

 

“My only concern is your surname,” says Marlene. “You’re going to keep Evans, right?”

 

“Well, no.”

 

Sirius hands fly to his scalp, tugging mightily at his shaggy locks of hair. “Oh, but Lily Potter sounds _terrible_ , Evans. Don’t change your name just because you’re marrying this dolt. Please. I beg you.”

 

“Shut up, Padfoot, or you’re not invited to the wedding.”

 

“Like _hell_ I won’t be.”

 

And they continue on that way for the rest of the evening, reveling in the company of their friends, their _family_ , and most importantly, each other.

 

It’s not until everyone’s gone to bed that Lily and James are alone again, sitting in the light of the Christmas tree in the Gryffindor common room. James tugs a decorative candy cane from one of the tree’s branches, holding it out to Lily beside him. She takes the offering from him, memories of floating candy canes and a different James dancing across her memory. Lily takes his face in her hands, kissing him, her old nemesis, her best friend, the love of her life with all the love she can hold in her heart.

 

When they part, James smiles against her mouth, whispering what she knows now has always been true. “I love you, Lily.”

 

She smiles back at him, their past flitting through her brain, their future waiting on her mind’s horizon. “I love you too, James,” she tells him. She loops her candy cane over the shell of his ear, and they laugh, falling against each other. “Happy Christmas.”


End file.
